MATCHA DAY
IT’S MY BIRTHDAY!!!
I think it’s safe to say this is probably the oddest birthday I’ve yet to have in my 25 years. Six months ago, I thought I’d currently be roaming the Texan desert with my friends as we explored Marfa. And then through many trials and tribulations, I decided my best friends and I would head down to our friend Lauren’s house in Carmel instead for a weekend of eating, drinking and being merry. My theme this year was CHROMATCHICA, a tribute to the highly-anticipated sixth studio album from Lady Gaga, Chromatica, originally to be released on April 10 (RIP).
But, alas, I’m celebrating my day of birth in my mom’s new apartment in Chicago with my parents and my dog. Miss Rona really doing the damn thing.
I wanted to take a chance to look back on both the last year and my 24 birthday party. For the party, I decided that my party’s theme would be NADPOP – another tribute to Lady Gaga’s fourth studio album, ARTPOP. Guests were asked to come dressed as me and to bring something with the word “pop” in it. For the invitation, Will and I made physical invites where we recreated the ARTPOP album art. This shoot was soooo much fun, and it was one of my favorite memories with Will. I physically mailed them out to my friends, and I definitely think it left everyone shook.
As my 24 birthday approached, I was really not doing well. I was so battered and bruised after a rough couple of weeks, and I was ready to fully cancel everything. I stopped responding to a bunch of my friends that week, and all I wanted to do was stay home and cry. The weekend, however, was so fun.
My best friend, Zoe, came up from LA and stayed with me for the weekend. My friends, Jackson and Jenny, also flew up and surprised me. We spent the weekend along with my good ppl of SF being ratchet, breaking it down and popping off (IYKYK). I even made everyone do a fashion show of their best Nadia lewks (see below).
The party was at my friends’ apartment building, and after a few hours of debauchery, we moved to my favorite bar, Butter. As always, Butter was an absolute hoot – from what I can remember – and it was the best way to round out the night.
I feel like every year, I look back and say “this was my most challenging year yet,” but this last one was definitely rough. I hit a very, very dark spot that I wasn’t sure I’d ever been able to recover from. I always felt lost and out of control. I found that it was directly affecting my relationships and my performance at work. I felt like Bethenny Frankel all the time in the way she’d freak TF out after going off on someone. I cried literally a whole lot. I had to see my therapist more often. I really don’t remember good chunk of last May-July. I felt physically numb all the time and had no appetite because my anxiety was so heightened. I wrote about this at the end of the summer, but it’s still something really terrifying to look back on.
I decided that my 24 year was going to be my “selfish” year. I wasn’t going to deliberately go out of my way to maliciously put myself ahead of others, but I really need to consciously use this time to focus on myself. The more time and energy I put in to myself, the more I was able to accomplish. This had to be done in small steps, but it was something that I would be so lost without having done. Some days were better than others, but once I was able to reset and reprioritize during my medical leave, I became a much happier, positive person.
It’s so funny that at DK I was always commended for my positivity. At Facebook, I could not pay a single person to ever give me that compliment. I found that I needed to be nicer to myself, those around me and the universe. I learned a lot about manifestation and how to best respond to my immediate needs. I took time to genuinely build or work on my relationships, understand what mattered most to me, envision where I wanted my life to go, etc. etc. I started writing down three things I was grateful for that day every night before my head hit the pillow. I started to truly understand energies. I learned that if you are nice to the universe, the universe will be nice back. I changed my way of thinking. I started to look at problems in increments and see them as lessons. I began to ask for help without feeling guilty.
I finally felt safe, stable and genuinely happy. I woke up almost every day in good spirits, ready to get to work or take on the day.
Then, coronavirus happened, and everything got flipped upside down.
A year ago, I wouldn’t be able to handle this as well as I feel I have now. Shit’s really been hitting the fan, and even with all the uncertainty and inability to control a lot of things, I’m trying to stay positive. I’m taking time to do things that I didn’t have time for before and not feeling bad if I need to have a slow day. I’m so thankful that I’ve been able to spend this time with my family because never getting to see them is always a concern of mine. Although I’m not going to be drinking vodka & lime Crystal Geysers and dance around to Lady Gaga’s entire discography with my friends this birthday, I’m still so grateful to have made it to another year.
I am not sure what this next year will bring, but I hope it is filled with good people, lots of laughs, great festivals and shows, amazing new music, lots of success and good health. I’m excited for what’s to come, and I can’t wait to look back at this a year from now.
