THANK YOU FOR THE MUSIC
…the songs I'm singing. Thanks for all the joy they're bringing. Who can live without it? I ask in all honesty, what would life be? Without a song or a dance, what are we? So I say thank you for the music for giving it to me.
Sadly I cannot take credit for those words – we’ll have to give it up to ABBA on that one. The lyrics just happen to hit home a littler harder this year.
As you might’ve guessed, the absence of live music and shows has been one of the hardest parts of this pandemic for me. It’s way more than having a crazy night out or weekend away with friends. It’s about the ability to completely lose yourself in melodies, breaks, lyrics and production. I close my eyes and am instantly transported to a dancefloor where I’m smiling from ear to ear at just being able to hear songs I cherish be played out right in front of me. I also miss the sense of community, whether that be with my friends who I love to do this stuff with or random strangers who might strike up a convo when they see my Wakaan Fest jersey.
Yheti, Okeechobee 2020
As part of my Morning Pages a few weeks back, I wrote about music and its role in my life. I had been in a RÜFÜS DU SOL (sh)mood that morning. Hearing some of these songs brought back a rush of memories. Even though I started to wane off the RÜFÜS train a bit (after seeing them ~11 times in 3 years, it was time for an intermission), I couldn’t help but feel such an enormous sense of tranquility and happiness. There’s a reason they’ve been one of my favorites and why their shows have been so special to me. It really got me missing the shows, my friends and the memories I’ve made.
You’re not supposed to show anyone your Pages, but sometimes, I have great breakthroughs in mine, be it for writing or other endeavors. I decided to share this entry because it speaks such truths to my identity, and I know it’s something that might resonate with others who are also missing their events. This entry has expanded beyond the words I jotted down, so my thoughts could be their most complete.
Music is so powerful. It’s been an incredible force in my life. I don’t know what my life would look like if it didn’t include music. I often think back to my earlier days and my music discovery journey. I think about those random dance music CDs my mom gave me for Christmas one year. I think about the music I downloaded when I got my first MacBook, like that Ashlee Simpson album. I think about the early mornings in fourth and fifth grade I’d throw on MTV and watch music videos before school.
I always wanted to find cool sounds before anyone else. I, also, wanted to scream it from the the rooftops and tell everyone about what I discovered. It’s funny that even ~15 years later, I’m still like that. I geek out over tracks that ignite something in me. I hold my favorites so close to my heart. These tracks are ones that have gotten me through the happiest days but also the lowest moments. I can’t help but want others to hear these songs and have their own reactions and experiences. I love sharing tunes and seeing my friends also freak out over them. It’s an indescribable sensation when you’ve shown someone their new favorite song.
Eprom, Wobbleland SF 2020
In my teen years, music took on a whole new meaning. It was my way to release and cope, even thought it wasn’t my original work. Music had much more of an emotional impact on my life. It was my escape from the world. I was so into ~the bands~ and was using the internet in a new way to discover music. I think about how much I learned from Tumblr + Twitter. I think about ripping songs from YouTube to MP3. I think about the CDs I’d make for the car rides to and from school. I think about electronic/EDM songs Nima would show me. These were such pivotal years in my musical journey.
These teen years were also ones that really started my love for live shows. Beyond arenas, I started going to many more club + theater shows. I loved the intimacy of these spaces. I also learned how important these types of hows were in the industry. No matter how shitty school or home were, these shows became a safe space fo me to let go and escape for a few hours. I had built a community outside of my regular day-to-day trough these shows and the internet. I felt I had finally found my people. Those who were interested in the same artists and shows as I who wouldn’t judge me for obsessing over the music. As a broken down, emotionally-tattered teen, these relationships were crucial for me.
Although I really loved these small shows, arena events, like Lady Gaga’s Monster Ball, played a huge role in my life. Her messages about self acceptance and potential were ones that made me feel heard and whole. I was at a low point when I first saw her, and this show could be boiled down to one of, if not the, single most impactful moments in my life. I can’t believe we’re already at the ten year anniversary.
As I’ve gotten older, my taste has adjusted and evolved. It’s cool to see how my discovery changed into my college and early adult years. Music was no longer just a side interest I did outside of my main bubble. It became a driving force in so many of my relationships, experiences and most cherished memories.
College brought along my real intro into festivals. Festivals have become so vital in my life. I think about the endless memories I’ve created, artists I’ve discovered, sets I’ll always remember, the friends I’ve made, etc. I don’t know who I’d be without them. I’ve traveled to new places I’d never thought I’d go before. I have been able to let all my worries and responsibilities go while I immerse in a different world for a few days. I have learned about myself, gained new perspectives, set new goals for myself and built some incredible relationships along the way. It’s hard to describe this until you have engrossed yourself in this world.
I love music and the impact it’s hard on my life. I long to return to shows and hope we can soon. I know that it could be a while before things are where they were prior to the pandemic – that is, if we can get it back there. I think about the afternoons when I can have High Five Friday on the Farm, the evenings I get to throw on my Wakaan jersey and Demonia platforms, the nights spent under programmed lights. Until that day comes, I have the music by my side.
My last show – Jantsen + Protohype, The Great Northern, SF 2020
